Bonus points

This may not seem noteworthy at first glance. This is a Bunnings trolley though, and it was photographed more than three kilometres uphill from the nearest Bunnings. Someone was really serious about that new angle grinder.

I think she means it this time

It seems so sad to break up on a day as special as Australia Day, but that's exactly what happened up the road from me today. I guess all the emotion the day stirs up in people got the better of them.
She was certainly pretty pissed. You could hear her screams swell each time she opened the front door to hurl more of his possessions into the yard. There was a tense moment when an armful of debris hit his Commodore. He urged her to be fucken careful. She pointed out that it's not that fucken special - it's just a fucken car. I guess this put things in perspective for him. Eventually it was agreed that he's a useless fucken dog and that he will fuck off and spend the night alone at his mum's like he fucken deserves. She feels she'll be a lot fucken better off without him. That must be a comfort.

Happy Australia Day from the 'Voir!

Like a moth....

Someone keeps stealing the bulb from my porch light. I've considered installing a long life globe out there for them to pinch in the hope it will forestall their next hit, but then they'd probably tell their mates I'm handing out the good stuff. It seems easier in the long run to simply adjust to the dark.

Visual Merchandising

This business has avoided costly glass replacement following a firearm incident by cleverly repositioning their "Closed" sign  to absorb the unsightly "bullet motif" whenever their door is locked. Canny work.

And peace was restored across the land

A big thanks to the champion who shared this link under my Urban Renewal post recently:

Hopefully this will put an end to the carnage. I'm a bit concerned about what will happen when they find out that "Record 1 of 1" isn't an oblique anthological reference, but rather means there is literally only one copy, and I really don't want to be in Ralph street when they find out what a reservation is, and that it costs a dollar.

Gimme some sugar

There was an incessant pounding at the door a little while ago. That never leads to anything good, so I tried to ignore it. Eventually I gave in and opened it. It was a tiny snuffling child.
"Chocolate!!!!" it barked.
Their manners really are improving. They used to shout before they bashed at the door instead of after.
I reflected on this warmly for a moment, then said:
"No. Piss off."

They grow up so fast

I had a look at the Pole Princess website. They have classes especially for teens. What a great way to give your daughter confidence as she becomes a woman. Best part is that she's picking up a vocational skill at the same time.
Here's a link: Pole Princess classes for teens

Teen pole

Pole Princess offers specialised pole dancing classes for teens focusing more so on gymnastics and exercise based movements. Parents’ permission is required in order to do these class and we do allow parents (mums only!) to watch if you wish.

Ralph street car park pole dancing academy

When I saw this I was distracted for a long time picturing what a Rezza hen's night doing Booti-Funk at Pole Princess would be like. 
After this though, my mind drifted to what a Reservoir porn name would be like, if you were to apply the tried and true first pet/first street model. 
Some possibilities:
Sabre Kinkora
Rusty Purinuan
Mysty Broadway
Killer Ralph
I don't know about you, but I would watch that film.

Four calling birds, three French hens, two masked gunmen...

A child has narrowly escaped being shot on Christmas Day during an armed robbery in northern Melbourne.
Police say two masked gunmen burst into a home in Reservoir around 3am (AEDT) on Sunday and confronted the homeowners.
A bullet was then fired from just inside the front door.
"The projectile penetrated one of the walls, passing through the bedroom which contained two young children who were sleeping, narrowly missing one," Detective Sergeant Murray Ryan told Fairfax Radio.
"The offenders then decamped on foot."
At least six people were home at the time of the shooting.
Police are investigating.

You'd think the bastards could do this some time other than the night that the kids are expecting Santa to break in. That's just a whole world of wrong.
For the first time ever, though, I find myself grateful for the bizarre 19th century qualities of police jargon. Hopefully the allegation that the offenders "decamped on foot" will embarrass them into temporary retirement.

With thanks to Anonymous for the link. I like your poems.

None shall pass

As I'm walking to the shop two small boys appear before me. They whisper to one another then fix me with a level gaze.
"Can we have a dollar?"
I have a vision of them waiting on this street for me for the next ten years, wanting a dollar every time I pass. Then two dollars, and three.
I walk on. One of them mumbles:
"You could so tell there was money in that wallet."

Words to live by

Overheard (by most of Reservoir):
"Just cos ya fucked your life don't mean ya gotta fuck mine!"

Reservoir tip

You scarcely want to think what a condom would be hiding from in Reservoir.